Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Pigs actually *do* look better with their noses up in the air (or so I've decided)

When I caught a reflection of my buddhabelly and its connecting head (nose straight to the sky), I thought, "what a charming and lovely sight". You see, I was ignoring Mommy (in porcine lingo that means "talk to the hoof"). She deserved this long and steely silence because she gave me a bath two days ago, had the nerve to sit in my pen last nite and TODAY she wanted me to go on a walk before 11 am. I don't mind walks, you see...but she is the one who made up the 11 am rule -- no phone calls, no food, no nuttin' until the clock strikes 11 am. So why was she up so early raring to go? Who knows? So we start walking, and walking...and she kept shaking my treat container but never relinquished any of the tasty morsels. How rude! But since I am an adventurous young Mathilda I resigned myself to the walk. I did try to make it as difficult as porcinely possible by using my favourite yoga pose (downward pig) as much as I could. (Downward pig is an especially useful pose when one is trying to drag me somewhere where there is no food or I am simply not interested. It is similar to humans' downward dog, but in this case, the porcine gets as much weight as possible close to the ground to make movement nearly impossible.) I must admit, Mommy was as patient as I've seen her in weeks...she didn't get irritated when I chomped on almost every single weed from the front door of Whanau Marae to the end of the block. I'll have to remember that next time I'm ignoring her. She actually might have my best interest in mind. She still hasn't connected the dots in her head though...my best interest = food.

Later in the day, Mommy took me out for what appeared to be another walk but was instead a dip in my pool. Naturally, I was skittish at first (as this was the site of the bath two days gone) but then I realized she actually wanted me to recreate. I kept "ahem-ing" for some treats (natch) but they were not forthcoming. Mommy was relaxing in the hammock whilst the pool filled up with cool water. After reclining for what seemed an eternity (Mommy says it was 30 seconds or so), she finally doled out some food. She held it on the bottom of the pool so I'd have to blow bubbles out my snout (hey, that rhymes!) and dip my entire head in to retrieve the comestible. I kept doing so, and she kept doling out the treats...adding more and more. Then, I felt a brush go past my eyes. AH-HA! (She always has an alternate motive.) She said she was only cleaning my eyes, true enough. It wasn't bad at all but I pretended it was really bad so I could get more treats. She had three different kinds, all tasty. What was I supposed to do? Just let them sit there uneaten??? Oh puh-leeeeeeeeeease. I am an intelligent porcine and know how to get food, even when it's not time to have food. It's my job.

Other news: we recently went to a "block party" down the road at the other end of the cul-de-sac. It was evening time and Mommy and Daddy and I walked down to the party together as a family. There were so many people there! Everyone wanted to see me and I could hear everyone talking about me...most memorable words were: "cute", "adorable", "how old is she?", "will she bite?", "she does tricks?", "I've heard pigs are as intelligent as a 3 - 5 year old child" and others. Needless to say, I was *the* hit of the party. I got more attention than anyone and there was food all over the place! Mercifully, much of it had fallen to ground level, completely accessible to me. I definitely took advantage of this opportunity but I have to say the next day I didn't feel too good. There were things on the ground that were so delicious, though! Mommy says I should never eat sugar or salt. I bet that's what they were. Sugar and salt! I can't wait for the next block party. I really enjoy the socializing but trust me, it was all about the food. I was in pig heaven.