Wednesday, September 17, 2008

something's ahoof...i can feel it.

well, i can hear the washer and dryer going, unvisited closets are being opened, and both maggie and millie are edgy. they know not what i know, that mommy and daddy are going to take a holiday. they just know something's different, and they don't like it.

well, in this case, i agree with my canines. they are going to england, where they plan to move. i am not pleased with this development at all, and i've made it no secret. to be fair though, mommy is absolutely gutted at the prospect of finding me a guardian. she is being ever so careful and is planning to set up a pig-mommy/daddy/maggie/millie cam, insure my new guardian will read letters and emails to me, and most importantly, play the "mommy loves mathilda" song whilst my beautiful belly is being rubbed. i trust the guardian will also be instructed to extend the playing time of the song should i continue to snort to the beat.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

i know, i know!

i am not the best blogger in the world. this i freely admit. i do have some barriers to daily blogging; the first being i can no longer use a human keyboard to hoof in my words (my hooves, while still quite feminine are a bit too large for the keys.) and, as far as i know, porcine keyboards are a bit thin on the ground. Second, i have to wait for mummy to take dictation and get my words on the blog. mummy doesn't mind, but she is very busy indeed. she keeps saying "no rest for the wicked!". i have no idea what that may mean, but she sounds like a broken record. she says i sound like a broken record when i talk about food! the nerve!

speaking of thin, (me? i've always been svelte!), my hair has almost completely blown out. i'm looking a bit bedraggled but the feel off the cool breeze on the skin is heavenly. i've been hearing rumblings that mummy and daddy are planning an inpromptu bath for me later this weekend. you, my dear friends, know that i am not a fan of running water or baths. not a fan! so when the time rolls around, you shall hear me squealing from the depths of my razorback lungs! that said, i always feel better after a quick bathing session. and i do enjoy the bit where i'm all soapy and daddy can't keep hold of me. that is indeed amusing. snort!

so, back to this nakedness of mine. i feel at this juncture it's quite appropriate that i shed the winter bristles and move into my summer look, which as you may have guessed, is au natural. i do look even more svelte (if i could possibly look any better than i already do-pffff!) without the bristles. and because i am such a fan of rooting, the clay colored soil does tend to make my white bristles less than glowing (not to mention what it does to my swiss army snout!) all part of being a busy porcine diva, i'm afraid. hazards of being moi. oh, the responsibilities of being a gorgeous and intelligent sentient being!

all of you know i adore the two dogs mummy and daddy got for me, but sometimes even the best piggy mama needs a break. daddy was a bit careless yesterday and left the top door open, giving my maggie and millie free run of the house. somewhat of a worry for daddy, but a very welcome break for me. i was able to enjoy my outside lair, chomp on the hay and root at will with no interference from my pets! i do love them, but they often mistake my rooting areas as hiding places for their bones and other bits and bobs. when this happens, they become deep pits. my puppies take their front legs and use their paws 'n' claws to dig, dig, dig. well, i don't dig. i root. and pigs that root are destined to fall into pits their pets dig. need i say "oops?" occasionally the pits become so deep that extracting myself is, well let's just say "less than graceful." they do have so much fun though, i don't dare rain on their bone parade.

and since it is the weekend, the girls are upstairs with mummy and daddy (i reckon mummy is way upstairs doing schoolwork) so i can once again enjoy the pig-lair as though it were my own private piggie-spa. ooooh! i'm going to have a quick dip in my baby pool whilst i snack upon fresh crudites. au revoir, mon petites!!

(and a big shout out and gigantic ups to mummy for helping out her porcine diva with her communiques!)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

first things first, mummy! food, THEN brushing.

one would think after the many years we've been together that mummy would know i need comestibles prior to any other activity. today she tried to brush my coat without offering me a single bite!! i let her chase me all over the yard and stayed long enough in one spot only to let her know that i did want my coat brushed, but had to move on so she would understand she had my priorities out of order.

she claimed there were no snickie snax to eat. i kept moving along. she'd catch me for a moment or two and got some coat brushing in. then, miraculously, all sorts of treats (organic, mind you!) appeared in proliferation inside my pigloo. as much as i wanted to get my coat brushed, i had to attend to the more urgent of scenarios: ingestible comestibles. so, as i ate the bits and pieces that were dotting the inner pigloo sanctum, i heard mummy in the distance say, "okay tilly-tippietoes, i'll come back later for the coat brush when you aren't so busy!" i may be mistaken, yet i sensed a sarcastic tone in her voice. i'm probably imagining things.

daddy came down later and told me that mummy had been to the dentist and she was in bed with the entire right side of her head sore. apparently he relayed this information to inform me that the coat brush would be postponed until mummy's head was better. she's not good at all with the dentist stuff, so i am not going to hold my porcine breath for a speedy return. i'll just think good thoughts for her and hope daddy has some carrots and other yummblies for me to eat. i truly don't mean to sound callous about mummy's dentist issues, but we all admit she is a bit of a lightweight. we forgive her though, she makes up for her shortcomings in other ways, like we all do.

my warm pigloo beckons for the night...and hopefully i will wake up to carrots and pig chow! sweet dreams, my lovelies!

Monday, March 24, 2008

the winter brings such itchy skin, but that's not all.

hello dear friends, i'm back! mummy spent a long time with me today brushing my skin and relieving the horrible itching that plagues me daily. mummy shared that she also has very dry skin, although she was very sympathetic of my plight. i think she realizes my situation is a bit more advanced.

anyhoo, it was great to spend time out in the spring sun trying to get treats away from my siblings. i must say, they were akin to wild beasties; i wasn't enjoying their agression one tiny bit. i did let my feelings be known by letting out a couple of well placed squeals but they were just relentless. thank goodness mummy knows when things are not even-steven; she made maggie and millie go to the bottom deck outside whilst she spent quality time with me, alone. of course we did my favourite trick many times (good girl, sit, stay) and i was rewarded with delicious carob sandwich cookies and other nice treats. of course mummy gave me the requisite carrots and a tomato that i know was meant for her sandwich. she's a good mummy.

so i have to let my fans all know that i have begun to root a hole the depth of which is becoming rather impressive. mummy and daddy were overheard a few days ago saying that i may reach china soon. i do have some issues with the rooting hole, however. first, i may have misjudged its location. it's bang in the middle of the route from the indoors to the straw laden yard i share with my canine sisters. so, there may be injuries, i don't know. nothing untoward has happened as yet, but as clever as i am, i cannot predict the future. second, maggie and millie seem to be under the impression that the rooting hole was excavated for their convenience. they have been buryiny (and retrieving) their bones at the bottom. perhaps i should have an informational session for them about the ins-and-outs of porcine rooting habits. they clearly don't understand, even with mummy and daddy tutoring them almost daily. one cannot compare the cerebral talents of a porcine with a canine. it's not fair to the canines, you see.

today was a good day for comestibles. i am hoping that watermelon rinds will soon be in abundance as their appearance coincides with warmer weather. mummy sometimes gets the scraps from whole foods or publix and i cannot even begin to explain how wonderful it is to feast on such delicacies. mummy told me that my watermelon rind habit is very much like her clementine orange habit; she can only satisfy it during a certain time of year. in fact, she said the clementine season was coming to an end earlier today. i feel bad for her, yet i know that the end of her season means that my rinds are on the way!!!

mummy said that she wrote to a woman who runs an organic farm out in the country who might be willing to let me stay with her and her family once mummy and daddy and my sisters move across the pond. i must say it would be heavenly to live on a farm, and even better with very nice people (mummy says they come very highly recommended by one of her friends, anne). plus, maybe they will allow me to have computer time to hoof out my blog so i can keep mummy and daddy apprised of my life as i know they will want to check in with me as much as they can. i know that i will want to hear from them as well, so i hope to get pictures and letters and emails and perhaps even mentions on their blogs. oh dear me, i am getting as misty as mummy was earlier today, i am just not handling the impending separation well at all. mummy was sobbing whilst brushing my coat earlier...if i could have cried with her, i would have. sometimes life throws you curves you don't expect.

i really must keep my spirits up. this new life could be a time for all of us to flourish! i might be living in a new place where i can have more than just canines as siblings, and i might be able to live where there are less snotty neighbors and designer dogs. i am crossing my hooves for the best possible outcome, and mummy and daddy promised to cross their fingers and toes and legs and arms and anything else that would assist in this transition.

so if you all will excuse me now, i see that mummy has peppered my pigloo with all manner of tiny treats which need immediate attention. i will get back to you all as soon as i am porcinely able.

remember, pigs do fly with very graceful wings!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

so sorry, my pets...it's been a cold winter and my hooves are just too slippery to type most days...

oh, woe is me. i have been in the cold, cold winter for too long now. mercifully, my mummy and daddy have outfitted my pigloo with all manner of polarfleece blankies from ikea. in fact, there seems to be an endless supply. mummy checks the pigloo frequently and if she decides there is a dearth of blankies, she unwraps more and in they go! i have to admit, i love chewing them to shreds and wrestling into them like a wee birdie makes a nest. this practice does, however, make getting out of the pigloo quickly an arduous task. most days i don't have to survey the area...i wake up before my sisters come down for the day and i wrap up tightly as soon as i get my last few carrots of the day and say goodnight to mummy, daddy, maggie and millie. but if there is a bump in the night or something else i have to investigate on short notice, i emerge from the pigloo looking like i am bandaged from snout to hoof. i must look a mess!

i mention the cold because i have been a wee bit naughty this winter. mummy has purchased three beautiful coats for me, which i have worn (and they looked fabulous, of course!). unfortunately, when the weather gets warm again, i cannot bear the extra warmth and if mummy and daddy aren't around to help remove said coat, i have no choice but to wrangle it off in any way i can. this practice led to the demise of three winter coats. i don't know how we are going to manage if it gets colder again, because the coats are rather expensive and mummy says that if i am cold it would be better to hang out in the pigloo. so that's what i have been doing. i am going to try and draw a picture of a coat that i think will keep me warm and also allow me to remove it once the temperature raises again. i think i'll make that my weekend project.

it was snowing today! it was very pretty. the snowflakes would float around in the air and then drift back and forth until they hit the ground where they instantly disappeared. i recall not so long ago we had snow that lasted for a few days. the neighborhood was filled with snowpeople, snowforts, huge snowballs and even an igloo. the kids were happiest not because of the snow, but because school was cancelled. and i must admit, the noise level out of doors resembled the summer months...when the kids are out all the time.

ahhh, summer is on its way. mummy's daffodils have poked their green spikes through the ground and some are even sporting beautiful yellow heads. she has been kind of sad lately, but i noticed that the daffodils made her very happy. she received a special lamp that her doctor prescribed and daddy is hoping the extra light will make her happier too. she certainly does perk up on a sunny day! don't we all?

i can't wait for summer. it's when i blowout!!! for the uninitiated, when i blowout, i lose all my hair. i like it because mummy can give me a proper bath and get all the itchy dry skin feeling better. please do not confuse the last comment with me actually enjoying having a bath. i don't like it at all, but sometimes one has to soldier on if it means something will be better in the end.

i have heard talk of mummy and daddy and my sisters moving to the uk. i know that i cannot go; and i will be so sad to be separated from them. but everyone assures me that they are doing their very best to find a family that will love me as much as they do. they want to find a family that will let them get updates about me, because we will always be family, no matter where we live or if we are together or apart. i know mummy is very sad about this development, but as a three year old, it might be my time to move on to another home with more space. mind, i am not complaining about my space here...i have indoor space with my pigloo, a deck with a roof, a sun deck, and a very large outside yard with heaps of straw and my kiddie pool. i would just like to have more family, and maybe different kinds of sisters and brothers. i dearly love my maggie and millie, but they are just one kind of sibling. i've always dreamed of having a family with sheep, horses, chickens, ducks, or any other kind of animal. actually, what i would really like is to have a new home that is as loving as the one i have now. i have my hooves crossed and i know my family is thinking very very good thoughts for me.

and now i hear the family getting into their beds for the night, so i should probably start nesting into the pigloo right about now.

please let me know, dear friends, if you know of a lovely place where i can live and be able to write emails and letters to mummy, daddy, maggie and millie once they arrive in the uk. i want to know how they are getting on, and i am certain they want to keep in touch with me, their favorite porcine diva.

do have a pleasant evening all of you...and as i just said to my family..."sweet dreams!"

grunt...grunt...snort!