Honestly, I don't know where to begin. As my eyes survey my buddha-like porcinosity, I quiver at the sight of all the scratches and bites and other sundry injuries sustained last Thursday. It was one of "those days", as you will understand as you read on.
Mommy was out all day; since she isn't working at the moment, this allows plenty of time to take classes, drink lattes and be a lady of leisure. She does this quite well, I might add. On her way home last Thursday, she saw Magnolia (Maggie, my canine sister) playing in a yard where we don't dare tread. Finding this scenario a bit odd, Mommy got out of her car, and began coaxing Maggie to the car. Fat chance! If Maggie is out and about without a tether, good luck getting her to return to headquarters. If Daddy and his sheep whistle aren't around, she'd wander around all day long.
However, her freedom was not legal as she and I had broken out of our pen. It was incredibly difficult to accomplish by one little pig (me) yet with my cunningly good ideas and freakishly strong body, I managed quite well. We were free within a few minutes. We took off through Bryce and Laurie's backyard and over to the house where Barkley and Hershey reside. Neither of whom remain on our friend list, I might add.
Once the neighbor spotted Mommy trying to coax Maggie along, she asked "is this your pig?" What a commoner! Of COURSE I belong to Mommy and Daddy. I wanted to hoof her and ask her what other porcine divas might reside in the neighborhood. Mommy blanched with fear when she saw me. Apparently, I had gotten a tad grotty (I was covered in dirt and mud; not a good look for me) during the "jailbreak". With Maggie in tow, she asked the neighbor to keep and eye on me whilst Mommy secured Maggie back in the pen.
The next thing I knew, Barkley and Hershey were circling round and round, faster and faster while scratching and tearing upon my fragile and tender porcineness. I didn't know what to do! Mommy was at her wit's end -- she was begging the neighbor to call off her dogs. She was clearly in a state because 1) she was frustrated with the neighbor whose dogs frequently roam the neighborhood untethered and 2) the woman could not control same dogs, both of whom were becoming vicious and violent. Mommy began to cry uncontrollably and was in quite a state. FINALLY, the woman managed to retrieve her malcreants and return to her home. Good riddance, I say!
After the main trauma, I felt no other option but to stay quite close to the house and Mommy soothed me by hugging me right round my buddha belly. The hug was welcome and calming. I simply could not move; obviously in shock from this vile and pernicious behavior. After a long interval, Mommy was able to move me from the safety of the house perimeter to the indoor pen which is rightfully my space and quite safe from the neighborhood hooligans. Documentation (in the form of digital photographs) began immediately. Mommy wanted to insure she had proof of this outrageous attack just in case she might need the evidence later.
Once the documentation was complete, Daddy arrived home. Mommy and Daddy muscled me into the shower and commenced cleaning activities. This was yet another trauma to add to my day, as you all know I would much prefer to eat than to be showered. Nonetheless, I was fresh as a daisy as I emerged from the stall and was quickly covered with wound salve procured by Daddy on his way home from work. Sometimes it stung, but on most of my wounds it was soothing.
After all this excitement, I ate (naturally) and pulled the Mommy and Daddy heartstrings to obtain carrot after carrot. So, the lesson is: some good things come from bad. Having said that, I don't EVER want to go through that drama again just to get more carrots. I can just do my "good girl" sit and flash my extraordinarily long and curled eyelashes. It works every time!
So, while I am feeling safer now, I remain in the pigloo for emergency security reasons. This does not preclude my daily routine of checking for food every couple of hours. One never knows when comestibles may appear, and this porcine is always ready!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Oh, the blog entries I've wanted to write!
I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for being absent for such a long time. Truly, I've been meaning to update all on the goings-on, yet it's been quite difficult to hoof on over to the computer. So many things have changed!
First and foremost, my sister, Magnolia Mae [Maggie], has grown to a height and length much like my own. I am, of course, far more shapely. I cannot escape my magnificent porcine beauty...I was born with it!
And perhaps as important, my living quarters have been expanded exponentially. I now have access to the out of doors and can go through a marvelous swinging door as I please. Typically, I like to frequent both the in and out of doors so the entry/exit has been a good investment for my parents.
In my outside space, Daddy constructed a very flash wooden double level deck on which both myself and Maggie can enjoy the sunshine in reclined comfort. Maggie usually sports the top level and I stay closer to the ground as I cannot be bothered navigating stairs with these hooves. I prefer to be safe than sorry!
The family has also begun a new treat activity in which I jump to the top edge of the pen inside and am rewarded with any number of carrots. Mommy and Daddy even purchased a wee refrigerator, solely for the freshness and crunchy goodness of my carrot habit. I must say this has been a most welcome development.
And I must tell you about my coat of hair. I've actually shed most of it and grown smaller hairs in its place. It's far more appropriate for the humid and oppressive heat of the south, not to mention it highlights my shaply porcine curves, which I must repeat, are not my fault. It's genetics, darling...my hole body hangs from my fabulous high cheekbones.
My day to day activities are much the same, as I do enjoy stability. The telly channel has now been moved up a notch and I am now watching proper, current cartoons on Cartoon Network. My favourite at the moment is a small ditty by a genius named Craig McCracken. It's called "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends". While I enjoy the entire program, Craig has recently introduced a new character named "Cheese". I'm afraid the character isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's more than amusing and I admit to stopping right on my hooves when he's onscreen. His silly antics keep me in stitches! I do wish Craig would give Cheese his own show, however his interaction with the rest of the Foster's gang is hilarious too. I'm so pleased Mommy and Daddy have deemed me old enough to graduate from Boomerang to Cartoon Network. I feel more sophisticated and grown up already!
That's all for now. I'm getting a bit tired from trying to aim my hooves to make proper keyboard strokes (I have to hunt and peck as my hoofs are rather large and pointy). Not to mention good cartoons are about to hit the screen. Also, the weather has cooled a great deal, so I believe some outdoor time is in order as well. Later in the day, I'm going to request a "grazing" outing so I can savour some of the overgrown greenery which is in dire need of eating.
I do hope to get back to the keyboard more often. Kisses and hogs, my loves!
First and foremost, my sister, Magnolia Mae [Maggie], has grown to a height and length much like my own. I am, of course, far more shapely. I cannot escape my magnificent porcine beauty...I was born with it!
And perhaps as important, my living quarters have been expanded exponentially. I now have access to the out of doors and can go through a marvelous swinging door as I please. Typically, I like to frequent both the in and out of doors so the entry/exit has been a good investment for my parents.
In my outside space, Daddy constructed a very flash wooden double level deck on which both myself and Maggie can enjoy the sunshine in reclined comfort. Maggie usually sports the top level and I stay closer to the ground as I cannot be bothered navigating stairs with these hooves. I prefer to be safe than sorry!
The family has also begun a new treat activity in which I jump to the top edge of the pen inside and am rewarded with any number of carrots. Mommy and Daddy even purchased a wee refrigerator, solely for the freshness and crunchy goodness of my carrot habit. I must say this has been a most welcome development.
And I must tell you about my coat of hair. I've actually shed most of it and grown smaller hairs in its place. It's far more appropriate for the humid and oppressive heat of the south, not to mention it highlights my shaply porcine curves, which I must repeat, are not my fault. It's genetics, darling...my hole body hangs from my fabulous high cheekbones.
My day to day activities are much the same, as I do enjoy stability. The telly channel has now been moved up a notch and I am now watching proper, current cartoons on Cartoon Network. My favourite at the moment is a small ditty by a genius named Craig McCracken. It's called "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends". While I enjoy the entire program, Craig has recently introduced a new character named "Cheese". I'm afraid the character isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's more than amusing and I admit to stopping right on my hooves when he's onscreen. His silly antics keep me in stitches! I do wish Craig would give Cheese his own show, however his interaction with the rest of the Foster's gang is hilarious too. I'm so pleased Mommy and Daddy have deemed me old enough to graduate from Boomerang to Cartoon Network. I feel more sophisticated and grown up already!
That's all for now. I'm getting a bit tired from trying to aim my hooves to make proper keyboard strokes (I have to hunt and peck as my hoofs are rather large and pointy). Not to mention good cartoons are about to hit the screen. Also, the weather has cooled a great deal, so I believe some outdoor time is in order as well. Later in the day, I'm going to request a "grazing" outing so I can savour some of the overgrown greenery which is in dire need of eating.
I do hope to get back to the keyboard more often. Kisses and hogs, my loves!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
It's official. I have a sister.
As I recanted in my last post, the canine (Maggie) is making more frequent visits to my room (the humans call it a pig sty -- can you imagine???). I haven't been that truculent; in fact I think my attitude has been more than congenial. Although I have to admit that I have this urge to eat and bury bones now. Oddly enough, I saw Maggie rooting the other day, and she has acquired quite a taste for acorns. This habit will no doubt cause some friction as we all know that acorns are the treat of treats for porcines, and I cannot tolerate competition. We'll have to keep an eye on this developing situation.
Daddy (and sometimes Mommy too) has been taking both Maggie and me on nature hikes down to the Chattahoochee River. This has been enjoyable on many levels. First, I get a break from indoor life; second, I get to frolic with the other wildlife and third, there is an unlimited supply of acorns by the river. Daddy mentioned the other day that I was changing his itinerary just because of acorn abundance. Can you imagine? Blaming me for this? I am a proud porcine and I love acorns. I am not going to apologize for this. Nor am I going to make Daddy guilt me out for changing course. For goodness sake, we always end up in the same location anyway...home!
As for the interaction between Maggie and me, it is not limited to my indoor haven or the nature walks. Daddy even gives us together time on the middle deck of the house. We have had some minor scuffles, but it's only because Maggie finds the need to constantly climb on top of me in some sort of "puppy playing ritual". I do not mind company, I do not mind her, but jumping on my back is not acceptable. She's also gotten quite bold about eating my food (a very dangerous habit on her part) and is barging into my pigloo any time she feels the urge. This is also quite dangerous. I think Mommy has tried to have cautionary talks with Maggie, but her short term memory is in development and needs some time. Mercifully, she and Daddy are taking her to puppy training classes and I've seen some slight improvement. I said slight improvement. Porcinely, I am holding out for significant improvement.
It is now time for my evening meal. I am hoping for some cucumbers and carrots as they have been in short supply of late. Mommy and Daddy have switched my major food source to an all natural canine food for weight reduction and maintenance. I am not making a value judgement about the weight issue. I mention this merely because I want state my preference toward this food than the pig chow they were previously serving. It felt so, well, "farmy". And you all know, dear readers, that I am indeed a sophisticated, city porcine. As for my activities this evening, I will have my meal (natch), I will retire to the pigloo, watch some "Dexter's Laboratory" (my new favourite cartoon) and perhaps grab a few winks. I can only grab a few at a time...as you know, one has to keep a vigilant eye on the food area.
Until next post, I shall continue to be cordial to Maggie, I will not be naughty and climb on the fence when Mommy is feeding me and I hope that the daily nature walks will continue. I'm trying to be good, it's only fair that the world should be good to me. Am I right? :)
Daddy (and sometimes Mommy too) has been taking both Maggie and me on nature hikes down to the Chattahoochee River. This has been enjoyable on many levels. First, I get a break from indoor life; second, I get to frolic with the other wildlife and third, there is an unlimited supply of acorns by the river. Daddy mentioned the other day that I was changing his itinerary just because of acorn abundance. Can you imagine? Blaming me for this? I am a proud porcine and I love acorns. I am not going to apologize for this. Nor am I going to make Daddy guilt me out for changing course. For goodness sake, we always end up in the same location anyway...home!
As for the interaction between Maggie and me, it is not limited to my indoor haven or the nature walks. Daddy even gives us together time on the middle deck of the house. We have had some minor scuffles, but it's only because Maggie finds the need to constantly climb on top of me in some sort of "puppy playing ritual". I do not mind company, I do not mind her, but jumping on my back is not acceptable. She's also gotten quite bold about eating my food (a very dangerous habit on her part) and is barging into my pigloo any time she feels the urge. This is also quite dangerous. I think Mommy has tried to have cautionary talks with Maggie, but her short term memory is in development and needs some time. Mercifully, she and Daddy are taking her to puppy training classes and I've seen some slight improvement. I said slight improvement. Porcinely, I am holding out for significant improvement.
It is now time for my evening meal. I am hoping for some cucumbers and carrots as they have been in short supply of late. Mommy and Daddy have switched my major food source to an all natural canine food for weight reduction and maintenance. I am not making a value judgement about the weight issue. I mention this merely because I want state my preference toward this food than the pig chow they were previously serving. It felt so, well, "farmy". And you all know, dear readers, that I am indeed a sophisticated, city porcine. As for my activities this evening, I will have my meal (natch), I will retire to the pigloo, watch some "Dexter's Laboratory" (my new favourite cartoon) and perhaps grab a few winks. I can only grab a few at a time...as you know, one has to keep a vigilant eye on the food area.
Until next post, I shall continue to be cordial to Maggie, I will not be naughty and climb on the fence when Mommy is feeding me and I hope that the daily nature walks will continue. I'm trying to be good, it's only fair that the world should be good to me. Am I right? :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The ZEN calendar said the blue sky and sunshine was a miracle and it wasn't kidding!
Mommy came down to visit rather early today and was very energetic and chipper. She told me that her Zen calendar said that the blue sky, sunshine, fresh air, et al. was a miracle. Naturally, I am skeptical about some of the things Mommy says as she can be a bit "lofty" at times. Nevertheless, she tethered me outside while she raked leaves down the hill and tidied up my outside space. (Mind you, the humans believe this to be their space, which is ridiculous. Anything they might choose to plant or install can be swiftly rooted straight up with my swiss army snout. Those humans - so silly!)
Well, this time Mommy was telling the truth. The outdoor conditions were most agreeable and inspired me to take a walk down the road with Mommy. We met up with the two new kids from across the street and their Mum. The small one wasn't too quick... he kept putting his wee hand periously close to my powerful jaws. His mother kept warning him, yet somehow his short term memory couldn't process this information of great import. Of course I wouldn't bite the child but I do need healthy respect with regard to my greater powers and intelligence.
I spent nearly all day outside and when I did go back indoors, Mommy left the window open so I could continue enjoying the fresh air. Funny that, it's January 24 and the weather was like a fresh spring day. Hmmmm....maybe there are miracles.
Maggie continues to increase her presence and proximity with each passing day. I alternate between these two emotions: 1) "I can't be bothered, grunt!" or 2) "Sniff, you aren't so bad after all. Maybe we *can* get along". Of course you, dear reader, know that the former is merely a scare tactic to keep healthy respect and alpha pig status intact. I do quite like her, actually. She's spunky, cute, has very soft fur and beautiful brown eyes. Oh, but that barking *must* stop. To say the barking is annoying is to give it credit. Perhaps as she grows older the noise will taper off. I am crossing my hooves.
Okay, it's been a long (yet wonderful) day and I am knackered. After Daddy takes me outside for my last potty duty I am going to trot right over to my pigloo, snuggle in and have a nice long rest. That is, until I get up to check the food area. You never know, right??
Well, this time Mommy was telling the truth. The outdoor conditions were most agreeable and inspired me to take a walk down the road with Mommy. We met up with the two new kids from across the street and their Mum. The small one wasn't too quick... he kept putting his wee hand periously close to my powerful jaws. His mother kept warning him, yet somehow his short term memory couldn't process this information of great import. Of course I wouldn't bite the child but I do need healthy respect with regard to my greater powers and intelligence.
I spent nearly all day outside and when I did go back indoors, Mommy left the window open so I could continue enjoying the fresh air. Funny that, it's January 24 and the weather was like a fresh spring day. Hmmmm....maybe there are miracles.
Maggie continues to increase her presence and proximity with each passing day. I alternate between these two emotions: 1) "I can't be bothered, grunt!" or 2) "Sniff, you aren't so bad after all. Maybe we *can* get along". Of course you, dear reader, know that the former is merely a scare tactic to keep healthy respect and alpha pig status intact. I do quite like her, actually. She's spunky, cute, has very soft fur and beautiful brown eyes. Oh, but that barking *must* stop. To say the barking is annoying is to give it credit. Perhaps as she grows older the noise will taper off. I am crossing my hooves.
Okay, it's been a long (yet wonderful) day and I am knackered. After Daddy takes me outside for my last potty duty I am going to trot right over to my pigloo, snuggle in and have a nice long rest. That is, until I get up to check the food area. You never know, right??
Sunday, January 15, 2006
It's 2006 already? Blimey!
Hello all! It's me, Mathilda. As you will recall from my last post, my life has changed dramatically since we last spoke. The canine, which the humans have named "Magnolia Mae" or "Maggie" for short, has been getting the lion's share of attention. Needless to say, I am miffed. I need to noodle around in this huge brain of mine to sort out why this might be happening. At the moment, I'm stumped.
On another topic, I did manage a trip to the vet last month, and was put under anaesthetic to aid in grinding my sizeable teeth and hooves down to a manageable size. The vet (Randy) did tell Mommy that she had been doing a good job with my health. He said I was a good weight (54 lbs.!) and that all systems were in perfect working order. After we arrived back at Chez MMMM, Mommy and Daddy gave me a shower which I have to say wasn't bad at all. My hair felt fluffy and clean and I had that porcine glow about me. I must say I do look quite fetching with a glow.
The pigloo continues to be my favorite place to hang out. Mommy, Auntie Anne, cousins Lane and Neal went to Ikea during the holidays to purchase some furniture for the area right outside my pigpen. They want to spend more time with me (how absolutely adorable!) so they are creating a more comfortable place in which to sit and chat with me while I'm eating. I don't think I need to tell any of you that talking to me whilst I'm ingesting any type of comestibles is a futile effort. I am single minded about food, and when it's around, I cannot be bothered with peripheral interruptions. I do know they are there, watching over me, and that is comforting. I just wish they would cease the dinner conversation! You know, "talk amongst yourselves!"
Maggie has been coming down to visit with more regularity these days. She is still quite small, but is growing larger. While she will never reach my buddha stature, she may be a similar height. I will always be the alpha pig...I weigh more (not to mention I am prettier and have a bigger brain). She has been sticking her wee head into my pen (near my food, mind you - very dangerous) and I am getting more used to her presence. Daddy takes her out for potty purposes with me and we are getting to know each other more each day. I am still suspicious, and intend to stay that way until otherwise convinced. Now, what I am about to tell you is a secret...strictly between you and me...I do like the idea of having a sister. I'm going to try and do my best to get along with her because I truly would like some company. But I am not going to let a soul know about this sentiment (except you, dear reader). We must not let the humans know!
December gift giving time was fairly uneventful at our house. Everyone received lovely gifts, (Maggie and I received matching red and green collars with jingle bells !) but I think everyone enjoyed each others' company far more. Aunt Annie, Lane and Neal stayed over a week this trip and it was much better having them round here for a longer time. They did miss out on a visit to the Andretti Speed Lab - Mommy called the house at 4am Saturday morning from the Emory Emergency Room...seems she had grabbed onto some razor wire in the dark. All the humans quickly raced to Atlanta to watch the drama unfold. Daddy and Aunt Annie said it was a mere flesh wound, but Mommy has been in pain and taking quite good care of her injury. Her hand was almost black at the beginning but it turned to purple and now it's almost back to its normal colour. She said she has to go to Atlanta tomorrow to have her stitches removed. I hope she buys more furniture at Ikea...I want my family to stay with me more! I'm lonely and I miss them. *Sigh*.
So until there is more news fit to print, I shall bid you all adieu. (Did I mention I am studying french in my spare time? Mais oui!) Au revoir, mon amies!
On another topic, I did manage a trip to the vet last month, and was put under anaesthetic to aid in grinding my sizeable teeth and hooves down to a manageable size. The vet (Randy) did tell Mommy that she had been doing a good job with my health. He said I was a good weight (54 lbs.!) and that all systems were in perfect working order. After we arrived back at Chez MMMM, Mommy and Daddy gave me a shower which I have to say wasn't bad at all. My hair felt fluffy and clean and I had that porcine glow about me. I must say I do look quite fetching with a glow.
The pigloo continues to be my favorite place to hang out. Mommy, Auntie Anne, cousins Lane and Neal went to Ikea during the holidays to purchase some furniture for the area right outside my pigpen. They want to spend more time with me (how absolutely adorable!) so they are creating a more comfortable place in which to sit and chat with me while I'm eating. I don't think I need to tell any of you that talking to me whilst I'm ingesting any type of comestibles is a futile effort. I am single minded about food, and when it's around, I cannot be bothered with peripheral interruptions. I do know they are there, watching over me, and that is comforting. I just wish they would cease the dinner conversation! You know, "talk amongst yourselves!"
Maggie has been coming down to visit with more regularity these days. She is still quite small, but is growing larger. While she will never reach my buddha stature, she may be a similar height. I will always be the alpha pig...I weigh more (not to mention I am prettier and have a bigger brain). She has been sticking her wee head into my pen (near my food, mind you - very dangerous) and I am getting more used to her presence. Daddy takes her out for potty purposes with me and we are getting to know each other more each day. I am still suspicious, and intend to stay that way until otherwise convinced. Now, what I am about to tell you is a secret...strictly between you and me...I do like the idea of having a sister. I'm going to try and do my best to get along with her because I truly would like some company. But I am not going to let a soul know about this sentiment (except you, dear reader). We must not let the humans know!
December gift giving time was fairly uneventful at our house. Everyone received lovely gifts, (Maggie and I received matching red and green collars with jingle bells !) but I think everyone enjoyed each others' company far more. Aunt Annie, Lane and Neal stayed over a week this trip and it was much better having them round here for a longer time. They did miss out on a visit to the Andretti Speed Lab - Mommy called the house at 4am Saturday morning from the Emory Emergency Room...seems she had grabbed onto some razor wire in the dark. All the humans quickly raced to Atlanta to watch the drama unfold. Daddy and Aunt Annie said it was a mere flesh wound, but Mommy has been in pain and taking quite good care of her injury. Her hand was almost black at the beginning but it turned to purple and now it's almost back to its normal colour. She said she has to go to Atlanta tomorrow to have her stitches removed. I hope she buys more furniture at Ikea...I want my family to stay with me more! I'm lonely and I miss them. *Sigh*.
So until there is more news fit to print, I shall bid you all adieu. (Did I mention I am studying french in my spare time? Mais oui!) Au revoir, mon amies!
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