first things first, mummy! food, THEN brushing.

one would think after the many years we've been together that mummy would know i need comestibles prior to any other activity. today she tried to brush my coat without offering me a single bite!! i let her chase me all over the yard and stayed long enough in one spot only to let her know that i did want my coat brushed, but had to move on so she would understand she had my priorities out of order.

she claimed there were no snickie snax to eat. i kept moving along. she'd catch me for a moment or two and got some coat brushing in. then, miraculously, all sorts of treats (organic, mind you!) appeared in proliferation inside my pigloo. as much as i wanted to get my coat brushed, i had to attend to the more urgent of scenarios: ingestible comestibles. so, as i ate the bits and pieces that were dotting the inner pigloo sanctum, i heard mummy in the distance say, "okay tilly-tippietoes, i'll come back later for the coat brush when you aren't so busy!" i may be mistaken, yet i sensed a sarcastic tone in her voice. i'm probably imagining things.

daddy came down later and told me that mummy had been to the dentist and she was in bed with the entire right side of her head sore. apparently he relayed this information to inform me that the coat brush would be postponed until mummy's head was better. she's not good at all with the dentist stuff, so i am not going to hold my porcine breath for a speedy return. i'll just think good thoughts for her and hope daddy has some carrots and other yummblies for me to eat. i truly don't mean to sound callous about mummy's dentist issues, but we all admit she is a bit of a lightweight. we forgive her though, she makes up for her shortcomings in other ways, like we all do.

my warm pigloo beckons for the night...and hopefully i will wake up to carrots and pig chow! sweet dreams, my lovelies!

the winter brings such itchy skin, but that's not all.

hello dear friends, i'm back! mummy spent a long time with me today brushing my skin and relieving the horrible itching that plagues me daily. mummy shared that she also has very dry skin, although she was very sympathetic of my plight. i think she realizes my situation is a bit more advanced.

anyhoo, it was great to spend time out in the spring sun trying to get treats away from my siblings. i must say, they were akin to wild beasties; i wasn't enjoying their agression one tiny bit. i did let my feelings be known by letting out a couple of well placed squeals but they were just relentless. thank goodness mummy knows when things are not even-steven; she made maggie and millie go to the bottom deck outside whilst she spent quality time with me, alone. of course we did my favourite trick many times (good girl, sit, stay) and i was rewarded with delicious carob sandwich cookies and other nice treats. of course mummy gave me the requisite carrots and a tomato that i know was meant for her sandwich. she's a good mummy.

so i have to let my fans all know that i have begun to root a hole the depth of which is becoming rather impressive. mummy and daddy were overheard a few days ago saying that i may reach china soon. i do have some issues with the rooting hole, however. first, i may have misjudged its location. it's bang in the middle of the route from the indoors to the straw laden yard i share with my canine sisters. so, there may be injuries, i don't know. nothing untoward has happened as yet, but as clever as i am, i cannot predict the future. second, maggie and millie seem to be under the impression that the rooting hole was excavated for their convenience. they have been buryiny (and retrieving) their bones at the bottom. perhaps i should have an informational session for them about the ins-and-outs of porcine rooting habits. they clearly don't understand, even with mummy and daddy tutoring them almost daily. one cannot compare the cerebral talents of a porcine with a canine. it's not fair to the canines, you see.

today was a good day for comestibles. i am hoping that watermelon rinds will soon be in abundance as their appearance coincides with warmer weather. mummy sometimes gets the scraps from whole foods or publix and i cannot even begin to explain how wonderful it is to feast on such delicacies. mummy told me that my watermelon rind habit is very much like her clementine orange habit; she can only satisfy it during a certain time of year. in fact, she said the clementine season was coming to an end earlier today. i feel bad for her, yet i know that the end of her season means that my rinds are on the way!!!

mummy said that she wrote to a woman who runs an organic farm out in the country who might be willing to let me stay with her and her family once mummy and daddy and my sisters move across the pond. i must say it would be heavenly to live on a farm, and even better with very nice people (mummy says they come very highly recommended by one of her friends, anne). plus, maybe they will allow me to have computer time to hoof out my blog so i can keep mummy and daddy apprised of my life as i know they will want to check in with me as much as they can. i know that i will want to hear from them as well, so i hope to get pictures and letters and emails and perhaps even mentions on their blogs. oh dear me, i am getting as misty as mummy was earlier today, i am just not handling the impending separation well at all. mummy was sobbing whilst brushing my coat earlier...if i could have cried with her, i would have. sometimes life throws you curves you don't expect.

i really must keep my spirits up. this new life could be a time for all of us to flourish! i might be living in a new place where i can have more than just canines as siblings, and i might be able to live where there are less snotty neighbors and designer dogs. i am crossing my hooves for the best possible outcome, and mummy and daddy promised to cross their fingers and toes and legs and arms and anything else that would assist in this transition.

so if you all will excuse me now, i see that mummy has peppered my pigloo with all manner of tiny treats which need immediate attention. i will get back to you all as soon as i am porcinely able.

remember, pigs do fly with very graceful wings!

so sorry, my pets...it's been a cold winter and my hooves are just too slippery to type most days...

oh, woe is me. i have been in the cold, cold winter for too long now. mercifully, my mummy and daddy have outfitted my pigloo with all manner of polarfleece blankies from ikea. in fact, there seems to be an endless supply. mummy checks the pigloo frequently and if she decides there is a dearth of blankies, she unwraps more and in they go! i have to admit, i love chewing them to shreds and wrestling into them like a wee birdie makes a nest. this practice does, however, make getting out of the pigloo quickly an arduous task. most days i don't have to survey the area...i wake up before my sisters come down for the day and i wrap up tightly as soon as i get my last few carrots of the day and say goodnight to mummy, daddy, maggie and millie. but if there is a bump in the night or something else i have to investigate on short notice, i emerge from the pigloo looking like i am bandaged from snout to hoof. i must look a mess!

i mention the cold because i have been a wee bit naughty this winter. mummy has purchased three beautiful coats for me, which i have worn (and they looked fabulous, of course!). unfortunately, when the weather gets warm again, i cannot bear the extra warmth and if mummy and daddy aren't around to help remove said coat, i have no choice but to wrangle it off in any way i can. this practice led to the demise of three winter coats. i don't know how we are going to manage if it gets colder again, because the coats are rather expensive and mummy says that if i am cold it would be better to hang out in the pigloo. so that's what i have been doing. i am going to try and draw a picture of a coat that i think will keep me warm and also allow me to remove it once the temperature raises again. i think i'll make that my weekend project.

it was snowing today! it was very pretty. the snowflakes would float around in the air and then drift back and forth until they hit the ground where they instantly disappeared. i recall not so long ago we had snow that lasted for a few days. the neighborhood was filled with snowpeople, snowforts, huge snowballs and even an igloo. the kids were happiest not because of the snow, but because school was cancelled. and i must admit, the noise level out of doors resembled the summer months...when the kids are out all the time.

ahhh, summer is on its way. mummy's daffodils have poked their green spikes through the ground and some are even sporting beautiful yellow heads. she has been kind of sad lately, but i noticed that the daffodils made her very happy. she received a special lamp that her doctor prescribed and daddy is hoping the extra light will make her happier too. she certainly does perk up on a sunny day! don't we all?

i can't wait for summer. it's when i blowout!!! for the uninitiated, when i blowout, i lose all my hair. i like it because mummy can give me a proper bath and get all the itchy dry skin feeling better. please do not confuse the last comment with me actually enjoying having a bath. i don't like it at all, but sometimes one has to soldier on if it means something will be better in the end.

i have heard talk of mummy and daddy and my sisters moving to the uk. i know that i cannot go; and i will be so sad to be separated from them. but everyone assures me that they are doing their very best to find a family that will love me as much as they do. they want to find a family that will let them get updates about me, because we will always be family, no matter where we live or if we are together or apart. i know mummy is very sad about this development, but as a three year old, it might be my time to move on to another home with more space. mind, i am not complaining about my space here...i have indoor space with my pigloo, a deck with a roof, a sun deck, and a very large outside yard with heaps of straw and my kiddie pool. i would just like to have more family, and maybe different kinds of sisters and brothers. i dearly love my maggie and millie, but they are just one kind of sibling. i've always dreamed of having a family with sheep, horses, chickens, ducks, or any other kind of animal. actually, what i would really like is to have a new home that is as loving as the one i have now. i have my hooves crossed and i know my family is thinking very very good thoughts for me.

and now i hear the family getting into their beds for the night, so i should probably start nesting into the pigloo right about now.

please let me know, dear friends, if you know of a lovely place where i can live and be able to write emails and letters to mummy, daddy, maggie and millie once they arrive in the uk. i want to know how they are getting on, and i am certain they want to keep in touch with me, their favorite porcine diva.

do have a pleasant evening all of you...and as i just said to my family..."sweet dreams!"

grunt...grunt...snort!

i have completely forgotten what my mummy even looks like.

i have complained and complained but daddy cannot provide an acceptable excuse. he said she was working hard at school and didn't even have time to sleep. being busy is all well and good, but one cannot leave the porcine out of the big [pig] picture. i am going to demand that i get an evening audience with my mother. and i will not accept no for an answer. i know i sound a bit sour, but i really miss mommy. maggie and millie get to see her everyday and i think i should be able to as well. i feel it's a legitimate request, and i have canvassed the other residents of this floor and they agree. so, i will await the decision in the next couple of days.

i have to tell you all that the weather has been oppressive. i can't imagine that the temperature was lower than 3 digits. i know pigs are not supposed to sweat, but trust me, i have been schvitzing all day. there have been many visits to the water as we three need to hydrate often. daddy brought out my baby pool and filled it up for us so we can take a dip and/or hydrate in the same place. i love one stop shopping. so efficient!

i ordered a couple of copies of "olivia, dream big" so i could send one to mummy's niece for her debutante ball prezzie and then one to keep in my gifitie closet for emergency gift purposes. it's such a great book...so inspiring for those who need a "pick me up" or a quick smile.

a dreary day but the sun isn't making my life miserable

i do love a sunny day but it has actually been a respite having the overcast sky today. i can root for hours without risk of sunburn or heat exhaustion. yes, rooting is an aerobic activity. one can't overdo it without consequences. mercifully, my sister millie keeps me safe. she knows when to get hydrated so when she takes off in that direction, i follow her to the water and queue right up. i wonder if she is a pig whisperer.

so, nothing of great note has been going on down here. i do miss mummy as she has been busy with school and hasn't visited in some time. i hope her school gives her a break soon so we can take a hike in the woods with my sisters. for now, daddy says she is really busy and that i need to be patient.

the scoundrels that roughed me up last year still have their house on the market. i rarely see a light on in the house so perhaps they have indeed moved away. i am sure every animal in the neighborhood would breathe a sigh of relief, not to mention many homeowners. those dogs were allowed to run around untethered and unsupervised. not really a good thing in a community like this. most neighbors would freak if a dog wandered up and used the lawn for their own selfish purposes. mummy and daddy don't care about that much, they just want their children to be safe and happy. i think not giving a toss about that kind of thing is great, because then one can concentrate on the stuff that really matters.

okay, i need to do a driveby in all the food dispensing locations. maggie and millie are here and they've not indicated any deliveries, but hopefully daddy will appear soon with carrots and elderpigfeed. i love that stuff! it keeps me well nourished and svelte. a vain pig's best friend!

so, off i get. *rubbing front hooves together* i hope there are goodies to be eaten!

adieu mes amies, adieu.

yes. my hooves have not touched the keyboard for almost a year.

well, well. the nasty hooligans that roughed me up about a year ago are moving away! (perhaps they've already gone.) can i just snort a while? maggie and i never liked the lot of them anyway, and don't even ask how mommy feels about them. she will go off!

mon dieu! so much has changed since the last pigblog. most notably, i have another sister whose name is millie. she is a black labrador that mommy bought for $50 at the dawsonville outlets right before christmas. funny, that...daddy told her we couldn't possibly manage having another person in the house so he told her to "return" millie. even though she wasn't happy about the decision, she complied (amazingly enough) and returned the wee puppy. she called daddy to update him on the situation and he answered the call with a "woof". naturally, this made mommy hit the roof and she ran back just in time to scoop millie out of some stranger's hands and return the check to the labrador selling kid.

so the family tree now reads like this: daddy, mommy, mathilda (moi), maggie and millie. i must say that i do love my maggie but for some reason millie and i have a real connection. i think it's because she is as self absorbed as me, but she still makes time to hang out beside my rooting areas to keep me company. maggie is certainly supportive (as a sister should be) but she is reticent to join in all the fun. she is more of an observer than a participant. no matter, we all have our places in the world and the three "m" sisters are doing just fine.

mommy has gone missing a great deal of the time lately. daddy says she has gone back to art school to build a portfolio. i have no problem with that at all, but i do miss her a great deal. the past few days she has been visiting and it's been terrific to get the old rubdown and scritchy-scratchy massage with the brush. she also remembers how i have her trained to give me carrots when i sit down and pretend to be a good girl. she still remembers! so, i like to do that as much as possible as she seems to be quite proud of herself for doing the trick so well after all this time.

daddy has taken up kayaking bigtime. he is always on the river it seems. he bought mommy a kayak too, so they will probably be trolling down the hill to hit the river together. they still take walks with maggie and millie in the woods (daddy goes almost daily; mommy joins in when daddy guilts her out enough). sometimes i join them, but it can be a bit of a bother as i like to leisurely stroll to be certain i haven't missed any delicious rooting areas. last time we hiked to the stream, i found a lovely sandy patch that was heaven. the family paused for an acceptable length of time for me to enjoy myself, and then it was off to finish the remainder of the hike. i know mommy likes to take me on the journeys but i think daddy feels as though i don't enjoy myself and that i would rather stay in my pigloo. this is absolutely not true; i enjoy anything that we can do as a family. mind you, this does not mean that i have given up on the mathilda show. nosiree bob! i am still all about mathilda yet i have grown up enough to know that family is almost as important as me. so i do like to indulge in the outings.

i'm going to sleep now as it's almost 3am. i've done my last food reconnaisance mission for the night and will make the first morning rounds at the crack of dawn. after that, daddy will bring me some proper food and maggie and millie will join me for breakfast. i like it when the kids all eat together. good times, good times.

bon nuit, mes amies. lovely to see you all again!

Le drama avec le trauma! Mai oui!

Honestly, I don't know where to begin. As my eyes survey my buddha-like porcinosity, I quiver at the sight of all the scratches and bites and other sundry injuries sustained last Thursday. It was one of "those days", as you will understand as you read on.

Mommy was out all day; since she isn't working at the moment, this allows plenty of time to take classes, drink lattes and be a lady of leisure. She does this quite well, I might add. On her way home last Thursday, she saw Magnolia (Maggie, my canine sister) playing in a yard where we don't dare tread. Finding this scenario a bit odd, Mommy got out of her car, and began coaxing Maggie to the car. Fat chance! If Maggie is out and about without a tether, good luck getting her to return to headquarters. If Daddy and his sheep whistle aren't around, she'd wander around all day long.

However, her freedom was not legal as she and I had broken out of our pen. It was incredibly difficult to accomplish by one little pig (me) yet with my cunningly good ideas and freakishly strong body, I managed quite well. We were free within a few minutes. We took off through Bryce and Laurie's backyard and over to the house where Barkley and Hershey reside. Neither of whom remain on our friend list, I might add.

Once the neighbor spotted Mommy trying to coax Maggie along, she asked "is this your pig?" What a commoner! Of COURSE I belong to Mommy and Daddy. I wanted to hoof her and ask her what other porcine divas might reside in the neighborhood. Mommy blanched with fear when she saw me. Apparently, I had gotten a tad grotty (I was covered in dirt and mud; not a good look for me) during the "jailbreak". With Maggie in tow, she asked the neighbor to keep and eye on me whilst Mommy secured Maggie back in the pen.

The next thing I knew, Barkley and Hershey were circling round and round, faster and faster while scratching and tearing upon my fragile and tender porcineness. I didn't know what to do! Mommy was at her wit's end -- she was begging the neighbor to call off her dogs. She was clearly in a state because 1) she was frustrated with the neighbor whose dogs frequently roam the neighborhood untethered and 2) the woman could not control same dogs, both of whom were becoming vicious and violent. Mommy began to cry uncontrollably and was in quite a state. FINALLY, the woman managed to retrieve her malcreants and return to her home. Good riddance, I say!

After the main trauma, I felt no other option but to stay quite close to the house and Mommy soothed me by hugging me right round my buddha belly. The hug was welcome and calming. I simply could not move; obviously in shock from this vile and pernicious behavior. After a long interval, Mommy was able to move me from the safety of the house perimeter to the indoor pen which is rightfully my space and quite safe from the neighborhood hooligans. Documentation (in the form of digital photographs) began immediately. Mommy wanted to insure she had proof of this outrageous attack just in case she might need the evidence later.

Once the documentation was complete, Daddy arrived home. Mommy and Daddy muscled me into the shower and commenced cleaning activities. This was yet another trauma to add to my day, as you all know I would much prefer to eat than to be showered. Nonetheless, I was fresh as a daisy as I emerged from the stall and was quickly covered with wound salve procured by Daddy on his way home from work. Sometimes it stung, but on most of my wounds it was soothing.

After all this excitement, I ate (naturally) and pulled the Mommy and Daddy heartstrings to obtain carrot after carrot. So, the lesson is: some good things come from bad. Having said that, I don't EVER want to go through that drama again just to get more carrots. I can just do my "good girl" sit and flash my extraordinarily long and curled eyelashes. It works every time!

So, while I am feeling safer now, I remain in the pigloo for emergency security reasons. This does not preclude my daily routine of checking for food every couple of hours. One never knows when comestibles may appear, and this porcine is always ready!

Oh, the blog entries I've wanted to write!

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for being absent for such a long time. Truly, I've been meaning to update all on the goings-on, yet it's been quite difficult to hoof on over to the computer. So many things have changed!

First and foremost, my sister, Magnolia Mae [Maggie], has grown to a height and length much like my own. I am, of course, far more shapely. I cannot escape my magnificent porcine beauty...I was born with it!

And perhaps as important, my living quarters have been expanded exponentially. I now have access to the out of doors and can go through a marvelous swinging door as I please. Typically, I like to frequent both the in and out of doors so the entry/exit has been a good investment for my parents.

In my outside space, Daddy constructed a very flash wooden double level deck on which both myself and Maggie can enjoy the sunshine in reclined comfort. Maggie usually sports the top level and I stay closer to the ground as I cannot be bothered navigating stairs with these hooves. I prefer to be safe than sorry!

The family has also begun a new treat activity in which I jump to the top edge of the pen inside and am rewarded with any number of carrots. Mommy and Daddy even purchased a wee refrigerator, solely for the freshness and crunchy goodness of my carrot habit. I must say this has been a most welcome development.

And I must tell you about my coat of hair. I've actually shed most of it and grown smaller hairs in its place. It's far more appropriate for the humid and oppressive heat of the south, not to mention it highlights my shaply porcine curves, which I must repeat, are not my fault. It's genetics, darling...my hole body hangs from my fabulous high cheekbones.

My day to day activities are much the same, as I do enjoy stability. The telly channel has now been moved up a notch and I am now watching proper, current cartoons on Cartoon Network. My favourite at the moment is a small ditty by a genius named Craig McCracken. It's called "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends". While I enjoy the entire program, Craig has recently introduced a new character named "Cheese". I'm afraid the character isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's more than amusing and I admit to stopping right on my hooves when he's onscreen. His silly antics keep me in stitches! I do wish Craig would give Cheese his own show, however his interaction with the rest of the Foster's gang is hilarious too. I'm so pleased Mommy and Daddy have deemed me old enough to graduate from Boomerang to Cartoon Network. I feel more sophisticated and grown up already!

That's all for now. I'm getting a bit tired from trying to aim my hooves to make proper keyboard strokes (I have to hunt and peck as my hoofs are rather large and pointy). Not to mention good cartoons are about to hit the screen. Also, the weather has cooled a great deal, so I believe some outdoor time is in order as well. Later in the day, I'm going to request a "grazing" outing so I can savour some of the overgrown greenery which is in dire need of eating.

I do hope to get back to the keyboard more often. Kisses and hogs, my loves!

It's official. I have a sister.

As I recanted in my last post, the canine (Maggie) is making more frequent visits to my room (the humans call it a pig sty -- can you imagine???). I haven't been that truculent; in fact I think my attitude has been more than congenial. Although I have to admit that I have this urge to eat and bury bones now. Oddly enough, I saw Maggie rooting the other day, and she has acquired quite a taste for acorns. This habit will no doubt cause some friction as we all know that acorns are the treat of treats for porcines, and I cannot tolerate competition. We'll have to keep an eye on this developing situation.

Daddy (and sometimes Mommy too) has been taking both Maggie and me on nature hikes down to the Chattahoochee River. This has been enjoyable on many levels. First, I get a break from indoor life; second, I get to frolic with the other wildlife and third, there is an unlimited supply of acorns by the river. Daddy mentioned the other day that I was changing his itinerary just because of acorn abundance. Can you imagine? Blaming me for this? I am a proud porcine and I love acorns. I am not going to apologize for this. Nor am I going to make Daddy guilt me out for changing course. For goodness sake, we always end up in the same location anyway...home!

As for the interaction between Maggie and me, it is not limited to my indoor haven or the nature walks. Daddy even gives us together time on the middle deck of the house. We have had some minor scuffles, but it's only because Maggie finds the need to constantly climb on top of me in some sort of "puppy playing ritual". I do not mind company, I do not mind her, but jumping on my back is not acceptable. She's also gotten quite bold about eating my food (a very dangerous habit on her part) and is barging into my pigloo any time she feels the urge. This is also quite dangerous. I think Mommy has tried to have cautionary talks with Maggie, but her short term memory is in development and needs some time. Mercifully, she and Daddy are taking her to puppy training classes and I've seen some slight improvement. I said slight improvement. Porcinely, I am holding out for significant improvement.

It is now time for my evening meal. I am hoping for some cucumbers and carrots as they have been in short supply of late. Mommy and Daddy have switched my major food source to an all natural canine food for weight reduction and maintenance. I am not making a value judgement about the weight issue. I mention this merely because I want state my preference toward this food than the pig chow they were previously serving. It felt so, well, "farmy". And you all know, dear readers, that I am indeed a sophisticated, city porcine. As for my activities this evening, I will have my meal (natch), I will retire to the pigloo, watch some "Dexter's Laboratory" (my new favourite cartoon) and perhaps grab a few winks. I can only grab a few at a time...as you know, one has to keep a vigilant eye on the food area.

Until next post, I shall continue to be cordial to Maggie, I will not be naughty and climb on the fence when Mommy is feeding me and I hope that the daily nature walks will continue. I'm trying to be good, it's only fair that the world should be good to me. Am I right? :)

The ZEN calendar said the blue sky and sunshine was a miracle and it wasn't kidding!

Mommy came down to visit rather early today and was very energetic and chipper. She told me that her Zen calendar said that the blue sky, sunshine, fresh air, et al. was a miracle. Naturally, I am skeptical about some of the things Mommy says as she can be a bit "lofty" at times. Nevertheless, she tethered me outside while she raked leaves down the hill and tidied up my outside space. (Mind you, the humans believe this to be their space, which is ridiculous. Anything they might choose to plant or install can be swiftly rooted straight up with my swiss army snout. Those humans - so silly!)

Well, this time Mommy was telling the truth. The outdoor conditions were most agreeable and inspired me to take a walk down the road with Mommy. We met up with the two new kids from across the street and their Mum. The small one wasn't too quick... he kept putting his wee hand periously close to my powerful jaws. His mother kept warning him, yet somehow his short term memory couldn't process this information of great import. Of course I wouldn't bite the child but I do need healthy respect with regard to my greater powers and intelligence.

I spent nearly all day outside and when I did go back indoors, Mommy left the window open so I could continue enjoying the fresh air. Funny that, it's January 24 and the weather was like a fresh spring day. Hmmmm....maybe there are miracles.

Maggie continues to increase her presence and proximity with each passing day. I alternate between these two emotions: 1) "I can't be bothered, grunt!" or 2) "Sniff, you aren't so bad after all. Maybe we *can* get along". Of course you, dear reader, know that the former is merely a scare tactic to keep healthy respect and alpha pig status intact. I do quite like her, actually. She's spunky, cute, has very soft fur and beautiful brown eyes. Oh, but that barking *must* stop. To say the barking is annoying is to give it credit. Perhaps as she grows older the noise will taper off. I am crossing my hooves.

Okay, it's been a long (yet wonderful) day and I am knackered. After Daddy takes me outside for my last potty duty I am going to trot right over to my pigloo, snuggle in and have a nice long rest. That is, until I get up to check the food area. You never know, right??

It's 2006 already? Blimey!

Hello all! It's me, Mathilda. As you will recall from my last post, my life has changed dramatically since we last spoke. The canine, which the humans have named "Magnolia Mae" or "Maggie" for short, has been getting the lion's share of attention. Needless to say, I am miffed. I need to noodle around in this huge brain of mine to sort out why this might be happening. At the moment, I'm stumped.

On another topic, I did manage a trip to the vet last month, and was put under anaesthetic to aid in grinding my sizeable teeth and hooves down to a manageable size. The vet (Randy) did tell Mommy that she had been doing a good job with my health. He said I was a good weight (54 lbs.!) and that all systems were in perfect working order. After we arrived back at Chez MMMM, Mommy and Daddy gave me a shower which I have to say wasn't bad at all. My hair felt fluffy and clean and I had that porcine glow about me. I must say I do look quite fetching with a glow.

The pigloo continues to be my favorite place to hang out. Mommy, Auntie Anne, cousins Lane and Neal went to Ikea during the holidays to purchase some furniture for the area right outside my pigpen. They want to spend more time with me (how absolutely adorable!) so they are creating a more comfortable place in which to sit and chat with me while I'm eating. I don't think I need to tell any of you that talking to me whilst I'm ingesting any type of comestibles is a futile effort. I am single minded about food, and when it's around, I cannot be bothered with peripheral interruptions. I do know they are there, watching over me, and that is comforting. I just wish they would cease the dinner conversation! You know, "talk amongst yourselves!"

Maggie has been coming down to visit with more regularity these days. She is still quite small, but is growing larger. While she will never reach my buddha stature, she may be a similar height. I will always be the alpha pig...I weigh more (not to mention I am prettier and have a bigger brain). She has been sticking her wee head into my pen (near my food, mind you - very dangerous) and I am getting more used to her presence. Daddy takes her out for potty purposes with me and we are getting to know each other more each day. I am still suspicious, and intend to stay that way until otherwise convinced. Now, what I am about to tell you is a secret...strictly between you and me...I do like the idea of having a sister. I'm going to try and do my best to get along with her because I truly would like some company. But I am not going to let a soul know about this sentiment (except you, dear reader). We must not let the humans know!

December gift giving time was fairly uneventful at our house. Everyone received lovely gifts, (Maggie and I received matching red and green collars with jingle bells !) but I think everyone enjoyed each others' company far more. Aunt Annie, Lane and Neal stayed over a week this trip and it was much better having them round here for a longer time. They did miss out on a visit to the Andretti Speed Lab - Mommy called the house at 4am Saturday morning from the Emory Emergency Room...seems she had grabbed onto some razor wire in the dark. All the humans quickly raced to Atlanta to watch the drama unfold. Daddy and Aunt Annie said it was a mere flesh wound, but Mommy has been in pain and taking quite good care of her injury. Her hand was almost black at the beginning but it turned to purple and now it's almost back to its normal colour. She said she has to go to Atlanta tomorrow to have her stitches removed. I hope she buys more furniture at Ikea...I want my family to stay with me more! I'm lonely and I miss them. *Sigh*.

So until there is more news fit to print, I shall bid you all adieu. (Did I mention I am studying french in my spare time? Mais oui!) Au revoir, mon amies!

So busy I've barely had time to lounge around, let alone post to the blog!!

Well, the holidays are upon us (whatever holidays might be), and even though I am still hearing incredibly rude comments about my personage being a food source, I do feel some sort of excitement in the air. Perhaps it's the cooler air or the leaves falling from the trees. These events are both a blessing and a curse - on one hoof, I can see the gorgeous river from my domicile and can inspect at even closer range when tethered outdoors. On the other hoof, the cold is quite uncomfortable and I really do need to wear additional insulation to keep warmish. Of course, this is of great delight to Mommy...she has gone absolutely bonkers shopping for outdoor drag to wear on my nature jaunts. The sweaters are by far the most efficient, but my full cooperation is required to allow my front legs entry through the leg/hoof openings. This is not an activity I enjoy in any way shape or form. It's disruptive, unpleasant and I am not silent at all with regard to my displeasure. However, since Mommy is doing her best to make me into a clothes horse, there are other options. She purchased a very smart trench coat, a corduroy barn jacket and wintery fleece coat, all of which are worn with a minimum effort on my part. They merely fasten with velcro (no porcine acrobatics needed). They are not nearly as warm...but I dare not share this confidential information with Mommy and Daddy. I would rather freeze than have to put my legs and hooves through those tiny openings in the sweaters. (I realize I may have to relent as the air may get even colder in future. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.)

I am now the proud recipient of a PIGLOO!!! My parents bought this wee house for my hiding and sleeping purposes. I wonder if they know it also keeps cold drafts and chilly floors at bay? It's doubtful they would have considered these features, as they think my daily activities consist only of playing and eating full stop. They have no idea that I am a silent philosopher, plot new strategies for obtaining more comestibles and am frequently testing out new sounds to add to my vocal repetoire. Let's just say that my vocabulary speaks of my higher intelligence. I don't mind telling you that I am one smart porcine. (I feel my buddha belly swelling with pride.)

I'm reticent to share the following (and potentially troubling) news, yet I must. Last weekend, Mommy and Daddy supposedly went to the pet shop to purchase my pigloo and only my pigloo. (They promised to use the ninja shopping method, perfected by many men of the human species.) Upon their return, they indeed had the pigloo. It came with a comfy cushion inside (which I later shredded to bits for reasons that will be revealed in the next sentence.) They abandoned the ninja shopping method because they also brought a small canine along with all of its flotsam and jetsam. It whinges and barks and diverts attention that should be mine to enjoy. Okay, I will admit the dog is incredibly cute but let's just say I could take her out with one whisk of these powerful jaws and sharp incisors. Everyone should tread lightly...especially the dang dog. Fear not, I will not exercise my formidable superiority unless it should become an absolute necessity. So far the dog has shown only pleasantries toward me so I shall give her the benefit of the doubt. I still have my eye on her...

I must close now as noontime approaches. I see many vegetables in my near future. Hopefully the mix will contain watermelon rind, cucumbers, carrots and tomatoes. My mouth is now watering and my right hoof tapping impatiently for Mommy to arrive. Hopefully I will talk to you soon, but I cannot promise for reasons mentioned above. Should my busy schedule allow, I will gladly share bits and pieces of my exciting life with you. Toodle pip for now!

Pigs actually *do* look better with their noses up in the air (or so I've decided)

When I caught a reflection of my buddhabelly and its connecting head (nose straight to the sky), I thought, "what a charming and lovely sight". You see, I was ignoring Mommy (in porcine lingo that means "talk to the hoof"). She deserved this long and steely silence because she gave me a bath two days ago, had the nerve to sit in my pen last nite and TODAY she wanted me to go on a walk before 11 am. I don't mind walks, you see...but she is the one who made up the 11 am rule -- no phone calls, no food, no nuttin' until the clock strikes 11 am. So why was she up so early raring to go? Who knows? So we start walking, and walking...and she kept shaking my treat container but never relinquished any of the tasty morsels. How rude! But since I am an adventurous young Mathilda I resigned myself to the walk. I did try to make it as difficult as porcinely possible by using my favourite yoga pose (downward pig) as much as I could. (Downward pig is an especially useful pose when one is trying to drag me somewhere where there is no food or I am simply not interested. It is similar to humans' downward dog, but in this case, the porcine gets as much weight as possible close to the ground to make movement nearly impossible.) I must admit, Mommy was as patient as I've seen her in weeks...she didn't get irritated when I chomped on almost every single weed from the front door of Whanau Marae to the end of the block. I'll have to remember that next time I'm ignoring her. She actually might have my best interest in mind. She still hasn't connected the dots in her head though...my best interest = food.

Later in the day, Mommy took me out for what appeared to be another walk but was instead a dip in my pool. Naturally, I was skittish at first (as this was the site of the bath two days gone) but then I realized she actually wanted me to recreate. I kept "ahem-ing" for some treats (natch) but they were not forthcoming. Mommy was relaxing in the hammock whilst the pool filled up with cool water. After reclining for what seemed an eternity (Mommy says it was 30 seconds or so), she finally doled out some food. She held it on the bottom of the pool so I'd have to blow bubbles out my snout (hey, that rhymes!) and dip my entire head in to retrieve the comestible. I kept doing so, and she kept doling out the treats...adding more and more. Then, I felt a brush go past my eyes. AH-HA! (She always has an alternate motive.) She said she was only cleaning my eyes, true enough. It wasn't bad at all but I pretended it was really bad so I could get more treats. She had three different kinds, all tasty. What was I supposed to do? Just let them sit there uneaten??? Oh puh-leeeeeeeeeease. I am an intelligent porcine and know how to get food, even when it's not time to have food. It's my job.

Other news: we recently went to a "block party" down the road at the other end of the cul-de-sac. It was evening time and Mommy and Daddy and I walked down to the party together as a family. There were so many people there! Everyone wanted to see me and I could hear everyone talking about me...most memorable words were: "cute", "adorable", "how old is she?", "will she bite?", "she does tricks?", "I've heard pigs are as intelligent as a 3 - 5 year old child" and others. Needless to say, I was *the* hit of the party. I got more attention than anyone and there was food all over the place! Mercifully, much of it had fallen to ground level, completely accessible to me. I definitely took advantage of this opportunity but I have to say the next day I didn't feel too good. There were things on the ground that were so delicious, though! Mommy says I should never eat sugar or salt. I bet that's what they were. Sugar and salt! I can't wait for the next block party. I really enjoy the socializing but trust me, it was all about the food. I was in pig heaven.

I love meeting my family!

The past few days have been terrific. I've been getting far more food than usual as my cousins (male non-porcines named Neal and Lane) have been giving me additional treats while helping Daddy with my training. I can now *sit*, *stay*, *pirouette*, *figure eight* and am now learning how to *curtsey*. The *curtsey* trick is by far the most difficult to date and they are going to have to dole out far more treats if they want me to kneel down on my front legs! To be honest with you, it's not the most comfortable position and I'm not too keen on it at all. But I may change my mind if the menu is expanded to my liking.

My cousins have been hanging out with me a lot. My auntie (female non-porcine named Annie, who is apparently the sister of Mommy) hasn't been down to my residence as much but when she has visited, she's stayed a while and I liked it. I've really enjoyed having others here -- while I love my Mommy and Daddy, it's still nice to have a variety of non-porcines to play with. Plus, I tend to get more food as the population of the house increases.

One thing though...while I have really enjoyed this visiting stuff, I have to tell you all that I am a tad confused. Neal looks exactly like Lane and Lane looks exactly like Neal. It's like when I see that pig in the shiny glass that looks exactly like me. (I can never catch the pig in the shiny glass, btw...) I just don't understand! My Mommy said something about twins, identical, cousins...etc. All I know is that I can't tell one from the other even when they visit me at the same time. So confusing!

In my confused and plum-tuckered out state, I will have to bid you all adieu for the evening. I've been playing soccer with Mommy, Lane and Neal and I am so tired I may sleep through the entire night. Ha ha...as IF! You KNOW I have to get up periodically and check the food area...! I'll check in with you all again soon.

Home grown veges!!!

Gosh, I feel really bad about this -- I failed to mention anything about edibles in my last post so I'll say this real quick.

Lately, I have been noticing a vast improvement in the quality of my cucumbers. (They are my favourite non-chow item followed very closely by watermelon rinds). I don't know what gives with the tender, tasty cucumber morsels, but Mommy keeps mumbling about "grown just for Mathilda", "garden", "insects, snakes, scorpions", "planted just for Mathilda", yadda yadda. All I know is that I want them to keep arriving at their expected time around the noon hour. (I do hope Mommy is reading this).

Back to Foghorn/Leghorn!

Sorry about the wait...

I can't believe it's been over a month since I communicated. Much has happened since I last spoke with all of you. First and foremost, I have been relocated to the bottom floor of the domicile. It's quite a distance from the dining room (my previous location) but mercifully, I didn't have to lift a hoof to move. I guess you could say I had an executive relocation as the non-porcines moved everything I needed down to my new "pen". My relocation seems to have its ups and downs. I do like having more space and the view is awesome. Even though my telly is tuned to Cartoon Network, this porcine does not live by cartoons alone. I feel somewhat isolated down here although I know the non-porcines make every effort to come and visit. Now that I think about it; they visit just as often as when I occupied prime real estate upstairs, but I used to see them as they went up and down the stairs. Now I can hear them, but not see them. So I feel a bit on the alone side.

The non-porcines are now talking about putting a door to the outside which I will be able to use without their assistance and without having this annoying harness around my beautiful round physique. (It gets so snug after a good meal!) There are also discussions about a fence, and other various and sundry devices to allow me even more freedom. I'm liking the ideas. Thank goodness the non-porcines bought me a trench coat to use in inclement weather!

Bad news: last time I was allowed upstairs to the kitchen, (just to socialize mind you, I never eat with the non-porcines as they have a different schedule) I had a small urinary accident. Needless to say, I was escorted with all due haste back to my floor level location. I have to say it was fun while it lasted.

I will try and be more vigilant about my posts in the future. There is just so much going on here, it is quite difficult for a wee porcine to keep up with the pace. Oh, I really must go...the Porky Pig show is on and I just LOVE Foghorn/Leghorn. I say, I say, that boy is about as sharp as the blunt end of nothing!

Freedom!

Thoughts poured through my head all day long about all the yummy food I was going to be served. I wasn't disappointed; not only was my pig-chow as good as ever, I also had some roma tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce. Mommy cuts all the vege in small bits so I just have to hunt for my favourites and eat those first. Of course I save the lettuce for last. It's not the tastiest comestible in the world but it is certainly crunchy and refreshing.

Today I was let out of my play-yard almost all day! I don't know what gives -- I will have to do some reconnaissance and get back to you. I wish I had been able to go outside more; my freedom was limited to the middle floor of the house most of the time. When I actually did get outside, I made it a point to track down all my favourite rooting spots and revisit them. The other day I thought Mommy was going to have a conniption; all because I was rooting in a particularly good place and I was up to my eyes in dirt. It was heaven in earth. I was so happy about it I actually laid down to roll around a bit...and that is when Mommy yelped. I wonder if my bath the day before had anything to do with her mood? Oh well. Can't please everyone all the time now, can we?

Tonight Mommy rubbed me behind my ear very softly for a long time which put me into a very comfortable sleep. Naturally, I will get up a few times during the night to check my food area (you never know when food might show up!) and then get some more shut-eye.

More on food and freedom in future posts.

I made a poo (and not the scatalogical sort)

Well, the non-porcine named Mommy gave me some broccoli, carrots and cabbage tonight and I took one bite and immediately spit it out. It was inedible! To make my point about the low quality grub, I turned my bowl upside down and spread all the untasty stuff in my play-yard. Mommy watched all of this and I could tell she wasn't pleased.

On the other hand, she has been quite good about brushing me (to keep my scaly skin from itching) and rubbing my buddha belly. I love that...just start rubbing the buddha belly and I cannot even stand up anymore...my legs simply give out.

Hopefully tomorrow the cuisine will have improved. I know I am being a porcine diva but a girl has to have her standards! Apparently mine are quite high as Mommy tells me that the vege she served up was not only high quality, but health food as well. Bah! I just want the stuff to taste good, and to have lots of it, all the time. Is that too much to ask?

Many moons, no blogs...

Good grief! I realize it's been yonks since I've blogged. Sorry to keep those of you interested in my food sources at the edge of your seat.

It's just that I've been so busy with non-food endeavors. Yes, you read me correctly. Non-food endeavors. It surprises even me. But enough about that.

I went to the vet last week, and some non-porcine (referred to himself as Randy the Vet) picked me up, held me upside down (hooves in the air, mind you) and took my stitches out. While this was turbo-traumatic, after all was said and done, I actually felt better. And the best part is, when I'm not eating, I can now get full, luxurious belly rubs doled out by both my non-porcines named Mommy and Daddy.

The Vet office was rather strange though...they weighed me in at 2.5 lbs. Now I know I said earlier that I weighed 5 lbs, which I must admit was an estimation on my part. Now that I know I weigh half that, and am relatively svelte, I feel I can really cut loose on the eating efforts.

And, speaking of eating, my all time favourite subject, my dietary world has enlarged exponentially. When I first arrived at the non-porcine abode, I refused all matter of comestibles not identifiable as pig chow. I will now eat cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, strawberries and melons. I am hoping the non-porcines will give me even more choices in the future, because this keeps me happy and occupied in between my *real* meals.

Weekends? Where's my FOOD???

The male non-porcine (who refers to himself as "daddy") normally feeds me at around 7am daily, at which time I also get a quick walk to the end of the driveway to collect the New York Times for the other non-porcine (female, refers to herself as "mommy").

Well, today, which is apparently Saturday and different to the rest of the days... my food was delayed by 3 hours!!! Daddy was having a lie-in while Mommy was pushing him out of bed to carry on with his morning duties. These duties include, most importantly, my morning nosh. Daddy did make up for his tardiness by giving me three spearmint treats in a large round pool (that's what the non-porcines called it; I have no idea what a pool is) filled with colourful balls the size of my head. I rooted for what seemed hours (the non-porcines claim the search took mere seconds) to find that food. It did taste delish. Glad I took the time and effort to have a look in all those colourful balls.

Later in the morning, Mommy stuck some red substance under my mouth and said "try these strawberries! They taste yummy!" Well, I had a quick sniff and I wasn't going to have any of that. Bring on the regular chow, I say!